A Tactician's Final Fear
by gayicarus
Summary: Robin has some fears the night before the Shepherds have their final battle. Chrom hates to see his husband like this.


"Darling, why are you crying?"

Chrom's voice, raspy due to his freshly discarded slumber, startled Robin from his thoughts. He had thought his husband was asleep. He reached up and gently touched under his eye, surprised to find that the area, indeed, was wet with tears.

Everyone else had gone to bed hours ago, but not Robin. He couldn't. He had justified it to himself by saying that he needed to perfect these battle plans. Tonight was their last night of peace, tomorrow Naga would teleport them onto the back of the Fell Dragon. Robin couldn't risk sleeping, he had to make sure they were prepared.

This is a the justification he gave himself, but this was a lie. Robin hadn't touched his battle plans since the earlier evening. In truth, after pouring over them with the input of several other Shepherds, Robin felt that his plans were as good as they possibly could be. He had no reason to be awake. And yet he couldn't possibly sleep.

Energy ran through him as he thought about the battle that awaited them. He couldn't sleep when he couldn't stop thinking about Grima, about the monster wearing his face. He had told Chrom that of course he wouldn't kill Grima himself, he would never risk his own life. It hurt him to lie to Chrom, but he had no other choice.

Robin chucked awkwardly and, from his position sitting cross-legged near his side of their makeshift bed, looked up to see Chrom, who had propped himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Robin.

"Sorry Chrom, I couldn't sleep. Gotta make sure everything's perfect for tomorrow, y'know?" He tried to shrug it off, hoping Chrom would accept this answer and go back to sleep. The last thing he needed was Chrom being too tired to fight.

Chrom did not go back to sleep. He instead crawled the short distance to Robin and sat himself next to him, glancing down at the pieces of paper on the ground where his husband had messily scrambled battle strategies earlier that evening. "...Robin, these plans are exactly as they were when we all went to bed. You haven't updated them in hours."

Robin wasn't sure how to respond to that. Chrom was right, the plans were as perfect as they could be and Robin had no reason to be awake. He scooted slightly away from Chrom, suddenly finding his close presence to be suffocating rather than comforting as he would usually.

"Are you ok, Robin?" Even in the dark, Robin could tell from his tone of voice that Chrom was concerned about him, knew his eyebrows were furrowed in the way they did when Robin accidentally went a day without a meal due to being too engrossed in tactics books. He was hit with another surge of guilt, he didn't desire Chrom's attention.

"I'm fine, dear!" Robin smiled, though he doubted Chrom could see it in the dark. The dim candle Robin had been using to examine the plans could only illuminate so much. "I just wanted to triple check everything before tomorrow!" His voice dropped, losing the false cheeriness. "It's not going to be easy, defeating Grima. I need to make sure I'm as prepared as I can be." He didn't voice his fears that he was afraid Grima would take his body over during the fight, rendering all this planning worthless. He didn't voice most of the fears he had about the oncoming fight.

Chrom closed the distance that Robin had opened between them. "Well, think of it this way. At this time tomorrow, I'll have sealed him away and we can all celebrate!" Though it was too dark to see for certain, Robin knew that Chrom was beaming at the thought of finally putting this war behind him. "We've prepared all we can for the battle, so why not focus instead on the victory for a moment?"

Robin, of course, didn't tell Chrom that he wouldn't be sealing Grima away; didn't tell him that Robin wouldn't be there for any celebrations of victory. Why think about how much fun everyone will be having once Robin was dead.

And there lay Robin's greatest fear. When he thought about how much better things will be thanks to his sacrifice, he felt a twinge of pride that his fell blood is good for something, that his power isn't just a detriment to Chrom and the other Shepherds. But then he thought about everyone, about them all going on with their lives. Everyone else would continue to live after tomorrow, but Robin would not. He wouldn't get to enjoy the peace that his sacrifice would bring. He won't be able to see Lucina and Morgan, the once from this timeline that they had adopted shortly after their wedding, grow into the wonderful young women that he already knew they would become. Everyone else would continue their lives, would grow and evolve, and Robin would be gone. Left as a distant memory, slowly forgotten by the people who he had died protecting. Everyone he cared about would eventually forget about him after his death, and that thought terrified Robin to his core.

Robin didn't notice he was crying again until he felt Chrom's thumb wipe away his tear. "Robin…"

Instead of moving further away, Robin this time elected to nearly jump onto Chrom, throwing his arms around his husband. Chrom was startled to be sure, but didn't ask any questions. He simply wrapped his arms around Robin, shiftly slightly so that Robin was sitting more comfortably in his lap, and allowed him to sob into his shoulder. And sob he did.

Robin felt so small in that moment. He had always known he was smaller than Chrom, obviously, Chrom being a master swordsman and Robin being a more bookish mage, but he had never felt smaller than in this moment. His careful built persona, the confident façade he had spent so much time crafting, collapsed more each time his body shook with another sob. It all came rushing to the surface in that moment, from the guilt he still felt over Emmeryn to the fact that he was the Fell Dragon. Everything from Lucina's judgement to stealing the Fire Emblem for Validar suddenly rushed to his consciousness, reminders of the mark he bore on his left hand. A mark that made him uniquely able to kill Grima, to kill himself.

It took time, but eventually Robin calmed down. He felt shame for the episode once it was over, and felt embarrassed for the way he was curled against his husband's chest, Chrom's shoulder soaked with his tears. His eyes were puffy and his nose was running and he suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. Chrom was certainly disgusted by this display of weakness, after all he was so strong and he certainly expected Robin to be too. And yet Chrom's arms were still wrapped tightly around Robin, rubbing his back, showing no signs of wanting to let him go despite this shameful display.

It took a few more moments of carefult breathing for Robin to fully collect himself. "My apologies, Chrom," he said once he was sure speaking wouldn't send him into another fit of tears, "that you had to see that." He attempted to pry himself from Chrom's arms, only to find that his husband had no intention of letting go.

"Robin, my dear, what's wrong?" The concern in Chrom's voice caused Robin to look at the ground beside them, unable to look anywhere near him.

"It's nothing, just a little stress is all. I'm fine now."

"You're not fine, you just spent fifteen minutes sobbing." Robin cringed at the reminder that he had let himself show such weakness. "You can tell me what's wrong. You can trust me. I love you, Robin."

This sent off another minute or so of Robin crying as he strugged to comprehend this. He knew he shouldn't be surprised that Chrom was so supportive but he still was anyway, unable to understand why Chrom would be so calm when Robin was being weak and so, so undone.

"I'm afraid," he finally managed to choke out, "I'm afraid that something's going to happen tomorrow and nothing I do will be able to save our friends, will be able to save _you_ from that monster. I'm afraid that he's going to finally take over my body and he's going to use me to hurt you and I won't be able to stop him. I'm afraid-" he stopped himself, unable to admit out loud that he planned to break his promise to Chrom, that he planned to be the one to slay Grima. He suddenly felt an intense feeling of shame towards himself for allowing himself to let his anxieties out in the open. He was afraid that Chrom would be disgusted by Robin's uncertainty. He could just image his outrage, _What do you mean you're afraid? Aren't your plans supposed to be perfect? What good are you if you can't make a strategy that will ensure victory?_

Chrom, of course, says none of this. He instead holds Robin tighter. "Is that what this is about? You're afraid that you can't save everyone?" Robin nodded. It wasn't a lie, it was certainly part of it.

"...I'm afraid I'll die, taking down Grima. I'm afraid that through some cruel twist if fate I'll fall, you'll seal away Grima, and everyone will forget about me." Robin shook slightly. It was only partially a lie, and in the end it did more or less cut straight to what Robin's truest anxieties were.

"You… you think we would forget you? You think _I_ would forget you?" Chrom's voice was filled with disbelief.

Robin was silent.

"First of all, Robin, you won't die tomorrow. I won't _let_ that bastard lay a finger on you. But, and I hate to say it, even if you do, do you really believe we could ever forget you?"

Robin pulled himself from Chrom's tight embrace until he could lean far enough back to look at him. It was hard to make out in the dim candlelight, but Robin was shocked to notice trails of tears on his face that were lit by the dim flame.

"Robin, I could _never_ forget you. You're the love of my life, my other half. I could live a thousand lifetimes without you and still never forget you; the way your eyes light up when you think of a new tactic, the way you snort-laugh when you hear something funny, the way your hair catches the sun in the morning. I can't speak for the others, but there's nothing in this world that could make me forget you."

Robin felt the same. He could live as long as Grima did, an eternity of faces and people and experiences, and still never forget the way Chrom's arms felt around him. He started to laugh at his own foolishness, tears once again streaming down his face. How foolish he had been, to think Chrom would forget him. To think Chrom would be angry at him for showing weakness. Did he not know Chrom at all? No, it was the dark fog of his own insecurities and uncertainty that had clouded his thoughts. Chrom loved him, and he loved Chrom. These were the only two things Robin was certain of going into the battle ahead.

When Robin leaned in to kiss his husband, Chrom was happy to oblige. Robin savored the moment, knowing that, even if it was to be their last, at least they had this moment, right now.

"I love you, Chrom." Robin spoke softly when they finally broke the kiss.

"I love you too, Robin. More than I could possibly say."

Robin smiled, his anxieties at least momentarily cleared away. "Let's go to bed, darling. We have a long day tomorrow."


End file.
